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Chuck Testa does not taxidermize pets.

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i’m convinced that if this delicate snowflake generation were actually in a zombie apocalypse, there would be zombie rights activists.

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So which is worse… waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it, or hearing them say “Come in” when you knock on the bathroom door?

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Charlie Brown should see a Good Grief counselor.

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Too bad we haven’t heard any new songs from Hanson lately. Mmmbop! Dip be bop de bop doo!

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i remember my dad telling me, “Laughter is the best medicine.” Which is probably why my brother died from rickets

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And a good way to eat tacos, is to have an open burrito on the plate beneath the taco you’re eating, so when the good stuff falls out, BOOM – it just becomes another soft taco.

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So it’s most evident to me that i have very little self control, each time they put down the chips & salsa *right in front of me at the mexican restaurant. Why they gotta put it in front of me?

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Just met a guy who said he was Swahili. i asked him, “Habari yako?” he goes, “Vizuri sana.” That’s very nice.

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A guy will pick up a shirt from a crumpled pile of clothes on the floor & sniff it, the smell test, to see if it has the sweat stench. If it’s not bad, he will wear that already used shirt all day again. So guys know a thing or two about being tidy.

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i think i may have solved this mystery!

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They say it charges faster, but don’t put your cellphone in airplane mode! Mine just dragged me out of my seat!

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Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.

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Is it possible that there are no conspiracies?

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Bad news, a friend of mine who was working fell into a reupholstering machine. Good news… He’s recovered now.

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◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ Sorry, i spilled the doritos

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April 17, 2017 at 01:09PM


North Korea’s rocket launch failed? Duh! Everybody knows you’re supposed to put the coke in first, and then the Mentos.

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Where do these things keep coming from?

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They say your memory is the first thing to …ahhh, something…

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Bazillion dollar idea: Create a prescription drug that just gets rid of the nasty side effects from all of the other prescription drugs.

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i really got hooked on auctions after only going once… going twice…

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April 13, 2017 at 12:22PM

Health Update…


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