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i guess Kim Jong Un is burning out his fuse up there alone…

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Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame

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So my good buddy wants to part with his red 1992 Pontiac Firebird. End of an era! Anybody looking for a firebird?

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Bigfoot saw me yesterday… But no one believes him.

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The samsung galaxy S7 phone is now about $425. While the new iPhone… is $999 * NO.

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It’s increasingly difficult to shower by candlelight.

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Here comes the sun…

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i admit i’m not perfect, but what did the horse i rode in on ever do?

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i figure it must be pretty a hard job repairing air conditioners. You spend your time working in a hot building & by the time it’s fixed nice & cooled off, you gotta leave to the next job!

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When & where do you say hurricane hugo will hit?

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All hurricanes with male names should be called “himicanes.”

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September 01, 2017 at 11:28AM

With the advent of so many wireless Bluetooth cell phone accessories, it is hard to tell if a person is having an actual phone call or just a street lunatic carrying on a debate with the demons in their head.


If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, then I have become only a noisy gong or a crashing cymbal [just an annoying distraction]. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and [possess] all knowledge; and if I have all faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but I do not have love, it does me no good at all.

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“Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the crowd and quite frankly, I am very disappointed.”

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So dominoes is supposed to start testing self driving cars for pizza delivery… What’s the standard tip rate for a.i. drivers though?

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my name’s fairyface and i… care what you think

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You can tell me not to judge anyone before i walk a mile in their shoes. To think about what they’re going through, before i cast any aspersions on them. And that will be good – because i will be a mile away from them when i do, & then they won’t even have any shoes. Can’t catch me now!

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Cupcakes. They’re really just muffins. Muffins that believed they could make it through! Muffins who believed in miracles!

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Who’s gonna watch the mayweather / mcgregor fight?

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Did the groundhog see it’s shadow or not?

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i waited until today to buy my eclipse glasses, when they’re 75% off! Frugal!

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When life gives you lemons…. Make orange juice.

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Werewolves are not only impossible to kill during an eclipse, they become super werewolves.

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oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh, oh oh! oh oh, oh oh oh, the right stuff

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